My Life Would Suck Withoooout You!

I don't have insomnia.

But I can't sleep.

I absolutely cannot seem to turn my mind off.

Even the simplest of topics are keeping me awake.

I had a dream last night that reminded me of a sci-fi movie, probably the most intricate, the coolest dream I've ever had. When I woke up I typed it into my blackberry so I didn’t forget it. Then I went back to sleep and forgot it. That annoys me.

My computer shut down yesterday because I left it unplugged too long and for the life of me, I could not remember my login and password... Until like two hours ago. That annoyed me.

Last time I wrote a blog, I was completely restless. Tonight, I'm in the same mood. But it's not restlessness mixed with regret as it once was; it is restlessness mixed with determination to act.

The last time I wrote a blog, I was angry with myself for continuously making excuses for not completing my goals. I spent over two hours writing, and have now completed 23 pages of what I hope will become a published novel. Someday. Not anytime soon. Since that night, I've only tweaked the story somewhat, but I have quite a bit of inspiration and some serious research to do. Technically speaking, my writer's block is over. And for that I am thankful. But there are, of course, other reasons to be restless.

I am restless over the fact that the goals I started in to write down in January have still yet to be composed.

Regardless of goals, it is time to talk about “change,” as our President states.

“Two paths diverged in a wood, and I took the one less traveled, and it made all the difference.”

I came to Ohio because I had a change of heart, even though I had wanted to attend Ohio State since my sophomore year in high school. It was a brilliant change, and nevertheless, it made all the difference. Proposed with the opportunity of packing up my life and moving to Brazil’s pride land to practice martial arts, I convinced myself to turn it down, and oh man was it second guessed.

Two years from that decision to date, I have acquainted myself to the state of Ohio and her lovely weather. My Aunt asked me if I would come to Ohio versus moving to Brazil so that I may finish my education, opposed to traveling to a foreign country and losing sight of my family.
She did not ask this because it's a burning desire for her to have the idea of caring for a child in her life, but because she knows I lived my whole life with commotion and life just doesn't seem the same without order.

Determined not to follow in my father’s footsteps, I dived right in to the sea of opportunity that borders Columbus, because the thought of education and a college diploma sufficed and was all it took.

I'm not sure about a lot of things. According to the assistant coach here at Ohio State, I may not have a job next year. According to my parents and my brothers and sisters, New Port Richey is the pits and they all want out. According to my martial arts instructor, we should live [someday] in Brazil where we can train and surf.

I don't know a lot of things, or what the future will bring, and I don't want to waste my days trying to figure everything out.

All I know is that even in the lowest economic time, even when things are extremely unstable, even when the tiniest work-related problems or technological glitches will have me awake at night, even when I'm not the best Christian, or the best son, or the best nephew, or someday, the best father, life has to go on.

It's too short not to live.

Life is full of “change.”